It’s Ok to Not Be Ok

It takes a lot of courage to face your own problems and ask for help. A lot of people never get to this point, and instead try to repress their feelings or distract themselves with overwork, alcohol, drugs, or sex. You should be very proud of yourself for choosing a better way. However, not everyone in your life may be happy that you are getting treatment. How should you respond to people who shame you or discourage you from getting help?

Friends may tell you to “toughen up” or “just get over it”. Family members may imply that you are being dramatic or looking for attention, or they might blame you for your illness. You can reply that the brain is an organ in the body, and just like any other organ, sometimes it needs help to work the way it should. Explain that there is a large genetic component to mental illness, and we are learning more and more about the effects of prenatal exposures, childhood malnutrition, head injuries, and traumatic experiences on the brain. Inform them that these external factors can cause brain dysfunction that can lead to mental illness, and a vast body of research shows that psychotherapy and medications can help.

Your boss might refuse to let you use your sick or vacation days for mental health treatment because they don’t feel it is as important as other types of medical care. If your company has 15 or more employees, you can advise your boss that the Americans with Disabilities Act prohibits discrimination against people with mental illness; so if someone at your company can use their paid time off to get treatment for strep throat or diabetes, you should be able to use yours to see your mental health provider. If your company has at least 50 employees and you have worked for them for one year or more, the US Family and Medical Leave Act allows you to take up to 12 weeks (480 hours) of unpaid time off per year. Colorado State Law also provides an additional 40 hours of unpaid time off if necessary. If you don’t feel comfortable having this conversation, your provider will be happy to write them a letter and/or fill out any required paperwork.

Some people might tell you that you just need to get outside more, exercise, eat a certain diet, or something else they do that they believe keeps them from having a mental illness. While all of these activities can help with mental health, they are not always enough to keep a mental illness under control. And sometimes, when your symptoms are really bad, it can feel impossible to even try to do these things. Tell them that you are happy that those things work for them, but you prefer to deal with your issues in your own way.

Others may tell you that psychotherapy is a waste of time, or that psychiatric medications don’t work or cause horrible side effects. They may not tell you that they only went to the therapist a few times, or that they only tried one medication and didn’t take it long enough or consistently enough for it to be fully effective and for the side effects to resolve. They may not mention that they didn’t tell their provider the full truth about their symptoms and might have been misdiagnosed. They are not likely to admit that they are threatened by the thought of you getting better while they stay sick, and that they are afraid that you might not want to associate with them anymore if you get healthy. As your mental health improves, reassure them that you are not turning into a different person, just a happier one. Let them know how much therapy and medications have helped you, and encourage them to get help too.

If you or someone you know has mental health problems, we would love to help! Call (303) 736-9697 or use the Contact/Location button above to make an appointment today.

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else, please call 911, go to the ER, or call one of the hotlines below:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255

Transgender Lifeline 1-877-565-8860

Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

OK2Talk Helpline Teen Helpline 1 (800) 273-TALK

Crisis Text Line Text SIGNS to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous, free crisis counseling